People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality
Disorders have a serious mental illness that primarily
affects their intimate, personal, and family
relationships. Often they appear to be normally
functioning at work and in public interactions, and
Narcissists may even be highly effective, in the short
term, in some work or social situations. However, in
intimate relationships, they can be emotional,
aggressive, demeaning, illogical, paranoid, accusing,
and controlling -in the extreme. Their ability to
function normally or pleasantly can suddenly change in
an instant, like flipping a switch. These negative
behaviors don't happen once in a while, they happen
almost continuously in their intimate relationships and
most often, and especially with their Caretaker family
member. Here, Margalis Fjelstad describes how people get
into a Caretaker role with a Borderline or Narcissist,
and how they can get out. Caretakers give up their sense
of self to become who and what the Borderline or
Narcissist needs them to be. This compromises the
Caretaker's self-esteem, distorts their thinking
processes, and locks them into a
Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer pattern with the Borderline or
Narcissist. The book looks at the underlying rules and
expectations in these relationships and shows
Caretaker's how to move themselves out of these rigid
interactions and into a healthier, more productive, and
positive lifestyle - with or without the
Borderline/Narcissistic partner or family member. It
describes how to get out of destructive interactions
with the Borderline or Narcissist and how to take new,
more effective actions to focus on personal wants,
needs, and life goals while allowing the Borderline or
Narcissist to take care of themselves. It presents a
realistic, yet compassionate, attitude toward the
self-destructive nature of these relationships, and
gives real life examples of how individuals have let go
of their Caretaker behaviors with creative and effective
solutions.
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