Are you: a bad loser? Frequently drunk? Horrifically scarred? Greedy and adventurous? Do you: collect food in your beard? Like a lot of jewellery? Smell quite bad? Then come along to Pockmarked Pete's Pirate Open Day at the Sweaty Armpit in Tobacco Dock, London. Successful candidates can expect: A royal okey dokey from Queen Elizabeth I (providing you bring back lots of loot); no more toothache (in that you won't have any teeth left); riches beyond belief (NB the company accepts no liability if you get caught); a unique lavatorial experience; an early retirement (on account of being stabbed, shot, thrown overboard or hanged). This book is suitable for Key Stage 2 and 3 students of history.