Mankind has been firing off insults to one another since the dawn of time, and this calendar is a collection of some real zingers from celebrities, politicians, athletes, and even philosophers. Woody Allen once said, ''The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.'' And comedian Greg Giraldo said to David Hasselhoff, ''Youa (TM)re such a drunk. When alcohol does its taxes, it lists you as a dependent.'' Whether shocking, offensive, or just downright funny, these insults guarantee that the speaker gets the last word.