In his own words:

Thank you for been a dotty 'cat person'. Thank you for not having enough romance in your life and deluding yourself that there is a symbiotic, loving relationship between you and your cat. Thank you for feeding us too much rich food, providing us with warm, secure homes, paying our medical bills, allowing us to lead a life of luxurious leisure, stroking us and especially for giving us access to your frequently sofa-bound, ample thighs. In short, thanks for been a sucker. We could live in the wild, but we know a cushy number when we see one.

You will laugh, you will snigger but most of all you will worry about that look Tiddles gives you as he gorges himself on his gourmet cat food before settling down on your ample thighs for a rest before dinner.