Excerpt from: Carbon Dating The Bear I’m as embarrassed as hell. Normally, I wouldn’t even consider appearing in public like this. Naked, except for handkerchief-sized red Speedos strung up between my ass cheeks like those Aussie lifesavers. I hope none of the neighbors is watching as I knock on the door to my best mate Robbie’s house, hoping he won’t answer the door. I’m praying it’s his dad. You see, I have a problem. I’m 19, pretty good looking, not an ounce of body fat on my slim, okay, skinny frame. Long, black hair, which hangs seductively across my face. My dick is average size, between 6½ and 7”, depending on which porn movie is in the DVD player when you measure. My body is twink hairless except for a clump of pubic seaweed, and my ass is smooth as butter and as bubbly as a balloon. Okay, what’s the problem, you’re asking? The problem is I just can’t get laid. Let me rephrase that. I can’t get laid by the guys I fancy. I suppose two telling points I should mention here: I’m a bit on the, shall we say, less than macho side, nothing flaming, but you’d never mistake me for Russell Crowe. Plus, I’m a top. Sure, I’d love to reciprocate, but just the idea of a cock entering my butt hole sends my body into shutdown and sphincter central locks all entrances to the building. Oh, did I mention my homme (yes, I’m studying French at college) of choice is a delicious, mature daddy with just a fleck of grey through his temples highlighting his desirability. Hair on his head is not essential. Hair on his chunky body is. The more fuzz that covers his body, the better I like it. The better I like it, the harder my cock gets. Alas, most men of that age either find it too arduous to douche or simply only have time to stick their dick in any available cubhole and squirt before racing home to the wife, husband or spouse of unspecified gender. I usually satisfy myself with a quick fumble in a borrowed bedroom, a suburban shithouse, or a noirish alleyway, only occasionally going upmarket for a quick blowjob in someone’s Ute or family sedan with baby seat attached. Once I encountered a truckie, who was everything I ever dreamed of, until he took off his trousers and revealed he was wearing white stockings and a suspender belt. No wonder then that last night I was running off at the mouth on meeting a gentleman of such proportion and charm that I was practically drooling. It was the occasion of a charmless party that I’d attended with mates Robbie and Viz. Unusually, none of us scored that night. “There was no one there over 35.” I moaned dramatically. Robbie and Viz in the back seat were indulging me, though not without a certain amount of eyes heavenward.