Why do all modern managers do the same bizarre things? Are these methods taught in business schools? Do managers learn by watching more experienced managers? Is it the result of mentoring? None of the above! Every manager follows the doctrine set out in Dogbert's Top Secret Management Handbook. Here you can learn about: Pretending to care -- how to hear without listening! Making decisions -- be a leader without making any! Empty promises of promotion -- enjoy all the motivational benefits with none of the costs! An essential management bible for new managers, teaching them how to transform themselves from bitter and bewildered 'little people' into fully functioning, paradigm-spewing management zombies!